perchance to dream

for the last month or so, i’ve been having a hard time sleeping. this is nothing new to me. i tend to fall prey to bouts of troubled sleep at least 2 or 3 times a year.

i refer to these bouts of sleeplessness as insomnia, though i’m not sure if they would be technically diagnosed as such. while i do have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, my problems aren’t chronic. what i suffer from is probably some mix of sleep deprivation and transient insomnia, but that’s too lengthy a description most of the time.

by week 3 or 4 of one of these bouts, it’s usually apparent to coworkers, friends, and the gf that i’m having trouble sleeping. i am often asked why i don’t seek treatment for the insomia. “there are pills that can fix that, you know”. and yes, i know. i’m sure they work for other people. i have a painfully low tolerance for most over-the-counter medication (i usually don’t need more than one Advil, even for a killer migraine). my tolerance for prescriptions is even worse.

besides, as awful as it is (and by week 3 or 4, it is truly awful), the problem tends to disappear as suddenly as it appeared. after nights of taking showers before bed, drinking warm milk, drinking herbal tea, exercising early in the day, eating a light dinner, abstaining from alcohol and caffeine, not watching TV or using the computer for an hour before bed, changing the sheets, fluffing the pillows, engaging the gf in extra-curricular activities (or the exact opposite of everything i’ve just listed) - after nights and weeks of this, i’ll just have a nice, normal night where i fall asleep at 11:30pm and wake up the next day at 7:15am, fully refreshed. and i’ll be reasonably able to follow that pattern for 3 or 4 months without serious interruption.

aside from the fact that the ailment appears to cure itself once my body just flat out quits on me, these bouts of sleeplessness are just a symptom of an underlying problem. knocking me out is unlikely to do much good if the problem is still there. i’m fairly sure that the issue is psychological, rather than physical. other than what i refer to as my June Mania (4 whole weeks! 4 hours a night! hijinks ensue!), the problem tends to creep up when i am mentally occupied by something that i can’t seem to resolve or work through during my waking hours.

these days, i’m not sure what’s on my mind that’s causing the blockage. it’s likely some combination of the usual suspects (work; money; family; love or, more precisely, missing the gf).

one thing’s for sure. we are now entering week 4 of this nonsense. it had better resolve itself soon. i’m starting to feel like Ed Norton in Fight Club. and, despite the kicking choice of song for the last scene, we all know how well that ended up.

cross-posted from tumblr